Feeling secure

It's quite amazing how one can plan and plan as much of their lives as possible, but still have the feeling of insecurity.  The feeling that something could change unexpectedly and turn your world upside down.  This could be something great (like finding out your pregnant) or something devastating (like finding out you have cancer).  They are both emotional in their own way and they are both something that you cannot precisely prepare yourself for.  But once it enters into your life, it is up to you to know how to react.

Recently, my college roommate (of a mere 6 months) found out that she was diagnosed with breast cancer.  She is 27 years old.  I have been keeping up with her blog posts and have been inspired by her writing every day.  She is raw, real, grounded, honest, and downright amazing.  It has been a very long time since I've spoken with her in person, but the impact that she has had on my life is nothing small.  She introduced me to a Jesus that I didn't know well.  The bold, fierce side of Jesus that calls us to be more than what we currently are.

From a distance, I have watched her travel to parts of the world that make me jealous and do things that I could only dream of doing.  I would consider myself quite the opposite of her.  I moved back home, found my husband, and started a family while still in college.  I did what I thought I was supposed to do and I stayed in my comfort zone.  And now, from a distance, I am watching her battle something that no woman should have to battle and especially not alone.  I keep wondering if there is something I can do for her from afar.  What is it that she could really use that I could provide for her?  Not much comes to mind whenever I think about it - except one.  Prayer.  God tells us to pray about everything.  And when we do, he hears us.  The best thing that I can be doing is praying for my distant friend and know that my prayers will reach her no matter where she is.

My prayer is for her recovery, Lord.  Not just in her physical healing but in her heart as well.  She is hurting and she needs hope.  Bring her peace and understanding in time and know that her old self is not lost, only changed.  Wrap your arms of comfort around her and I pray that she starts to feel better soon.  I pray for test results to come back with good news so that she can join in the amazing mass of inspirational survivors.  Lift her up God.  Amen.

I still dream of traveling to far off places and experiencing even a fraction of what my friend has experienced.  But for now I am content in the life that has been built for me.  My adventures lay within the walls of my home in the form of a toddler and a husband :-)  And that is enough for me....for now.

Take Time

It is simply amazing how your life can take a drastic turn when you're least expecting it.  You feel secure, safe, ready for anything and then POW!  Things change.

I have been pregnant now for 6 months and enjoying every moment.  I enjoy telling people that I never got morning sickness.  (Sorry to all you moms who did!)  I enjoy feeling my baby kick me in the ribs in the middle of the night because it lets me know that he/she is moving and playing.  I enjoy telling my midwife that I have been exercising regularly and that I have been keeping a pretty good diet.  I enjoyed telling everyone how amazing my pregnancy was going!  Until last week.

I started having some mild cramping (a lot like period cramps) around midnight on a Friday.  I got up, got a glass of water and a heating pad, and attempted to go back to sleep.  An hour later I woke up with them again so I moved into the living room to attempt sleeping in the recliner.  Another hour later I was again awakened by the cramps so I moved back into the bedroom....and so on and so forth until I had to get up for work.  I was hoping that by moving around and perhaps getting something to eat that the pain would subside.  But I couldn't take it anymore and at 7 a.m. I finally called my midwife.  She sounded concerned and called me to her office right away.

After a few samples were taken I found out that I was severely dehydrated and that I had a very bad bladder/urinary tract infection.  Now, this may not seem like life or death to most, but after some research (and a word with my sister who happens to be a nurse) I found out that infections like this are the primary cause of preterm labor.

I couldn't believe it!  Here, I thought I was doing so well and that I was doing everything I could for the health and well-being of my baby.  I thought I was sailing through this pregnancy and then this?!  How could I let this happen?

Well, after many prayers and apologies to my husband and my baby, I was put on bed rest, antibiotics, and a strict fluid regimen.  I was so upset and angry for a while.  Having to miss work; not being able to help around the house; not being able to even go for a walk...it gets old after only a couple of days.  But I have come to realize that it is the best possible thing I could be doing for our amazing child right now.

I am taking the time to pray and rest.  Perhaps something that I have needed to do for 6 months but never realized it because things were going so swimmingly.  And I am taking the time to appreciate all the amazing people whom God has placed in my life to help.  My husband, my mom, my sisters and brothers, and my in-laws.  They have all been so encouraging and caring.  Offering to do laundry, make a meal, or even offering their advice has been such a blessing and I now know that it's just what I needed.